


Stay With Me

by kanna37



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanna37/pseuds/kanna37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stay with me, don't let me go, 'cause I can't be without you, just stay with me... three part piece - Kagome's thoughts on Inuyasha, and his on her... and the conclusion to their heart's desires, set in the final season. Rating for language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha, nor do I own the song Stay With Me, by Danity Kane, that this little three-shot was based out of.
> 
> The first and second parts of this story are told in first person viewpoint, and the third is told in third person. The reason for this should become clear as you read. Also, listening to Stay with Me while reading just adds something to the story. The song is just perfect for this pairing.

~oOo~

Part I

~oOo~

I can't remember when my determination to always be by your side became so firm inside me that I would go to any lengths to keep that promise, I just know that it did, and that I would.

It could have been the time that you left me alone in the dark and the rain to go to _her._ I reached out to you, only to watch you walk away with your shoulders hunched and your koinu ears flattened to your head. I couldn't do anything but stand there waiting for you to come back, the picture of you so desolate burned into my mind as my heart broke yet again.

Or... maybe it was the time you came back from seeing her with so much agony in your eyes that my spirit rose up inside me with overwhelming determination to heal you in any way I could. I knew then that I would do absolutely  _anything_ to see you smile, a  _true_ smile, even die. Inside, I was still begging you to stay with me, but I knew that you wouldn't. And no matter how much anguish it gave me, I could never voice my wish for that, because it would be selfish... and besides, I only wanted you to stay if it's what you wanted, too. I loved you enough to let you go to her, even if it killed me.

Which it would, because I can't live without you. You just don't know this. And I would never tell you, because that would be manipulation. You have to freely choose to stay with me for it to mean anything, to be valid. It has to be your choice alone, and that's what our friends never understood. They didn't seem to comprehend why I never actually stopped you from going to her. Why I never tried to push myself forward more into your mind, into your heart. 

The truth was, my pain was my own fault, and I went into it willingly for your sake. I knew you had other obligations, and I still gave my heart to you. I built my world around you, and so I could hardly blame you when the reality that it was going to fall apart around me one day finally came to me.

Of course, it could have been the time that you told me that you needed me when we were separated by five hundred years, the Tree of Ages - on top of the woman who held your soul in her hands. We sure have a lot of things between us, don't we? I almost have to laugh at that thought. Unfortunately, I know my laugh will sound more like a sob, and so I won't release it where you can hear it. That would make you feel guilty, and you've got enough guilt on your shoulders to kill a thousand people – I won't add to it any more.

Yes... I  _have_ added to your pain. And I hate myself for that – for letting you see my hurt all those times. For getting angry when you would go to her. I'm only human, and I can't help how I feel – I'm in love with you, after all. But I  _can_ blame myself for letting you see my pain. This burden isn't yours to bear – it's only mine.

But once you told me you needed me with you... I knew for sure. I could never ask you to stay with  _me_ – but I could swear to stay with  _you._ And so I did. I made a vow that neither time nor the kami could break, that I would stay with you no matter where that vow took me.

I wonder... if I'd told you about this vow, would you have figured out what would happen in the end? Probably – people always took you as a little on the unintelligent side, but I knew they couldn't be more wrong. And that's why I made my vow in silence, binding myself to you in secret so that you wouldn't have anymore guilt added to the severely scarred soul you carried. You could hardly be held accountable for what someone else did in secret, ne?

And through all that happened I stayed by your side, loving you silently and doing what I could to heal your shattered heart, even though I knew that one day you'd give up your life to keep your own vow - one made to a broken remnant of a woman that was mostly trapped inside me. The clay shell that walked the earth carried only a tiny sliver of the soul that had been placed inside me by the will of the kami.

So many times I felt guilt of my own... if I didn't have this soul, she could have lived again. In a way, it was my fault that you were in so much pain in the first place, since my existence was anathema to your lover – because I lived, she could not. I can't tell you how many times I thought of returning to dust, so the soul could move back into her – pretty much every time you went to her. And the guilt, my own pain from my shattered heart, and your pain from grief, guilt, and love for her would coalesce inside me until I didn't know up from down.

But I wasn't a fool. There was no way to return this soul to Kikyou. If I died, she would, too, because the fraction of soul she carried was ordained by the kami to be born in me. By their will, that soul truly belonged to me now, and should I let my life go, she would also pass on, that portion of the soul returning to join the rest of it in the long wait to be reincarnated again. And no matter the times I grew so weary, so heartsick that I couldn't fathom going on another second in so much agony, I stayed alive... so that she could also remain on this plane of existence in the only way she still could.

Of course, once she gave up walking this world once more, and you followed her, the fact that I was bound to you wouldn't matter, because my death would not cause you any further loss – by then my life would be superfluous to her existence.

Did I know what my vow would end up meaning in the end? Yes. I was fully aware that one day, when you followed Kikyou to hell, I would also be bound to follow you to that place. But not quite in the way you might think.

I realized when Kanna tried to steal my soul, after I was already missing the portion Kikyou had, and she couldn't because it was so large, what I could do to heal you. Your soul was so damaged, so broken, jagged and desolate, that if I bound my soul directly to yours, I could heal you fully. Then I would always be a part of you, even if only as a distant, faded shadow of a memory. And perhaps the memory of Kikyou within my soul would grant you peace in death. You would literally be soul mates then...

For you... I would do it. Because I can never be free from you, Inuyasha. I said I would do anything to see you happy, and I meant anything. I would go into oblivion forever to take away all the sadness and pain you've suffered and give you a peace you've never known. 

And that's why I keep watching you walk away to Kikyou, over and over, and I don't really try to stop you. I can't help that it hurts me, but that's natural, ne? To be hurt when the one you love loves another? It doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes me human. 

I know that I will continue to hurt for you and about you until time ends and eternity implodes...

But it's worth it, just to be by your side.

I will still think so when it's time to go to hell with Kikyou. I will stay with you, I will be with you forever, and then the forever after that... even if you forget me.

You are my whole world, Inuyasha... and you always will be.

Just like you I take my vows seriously – when I make a promise, I mean to keep it at all costs... and I swore to stay by your side...

… so I will. Always. Even in hell.

 

 


	2. Part II

Part II

~oOo~

I can't remember when you started to become important to me, rather than an unwelcome complication in my desire for the Shikon no Tama. I just know that you did, and the whole thing crept up on me, throwing my one for one and all for one attitude right out the door.

Suddenly, someone else was more important to me _than_ me, and just like that, I had someone to protect.

It probably started when you stood up to Sesshoumaru in my father's remains so boldly. I'd never seen anything like it. And then you handed me the sword you pulled from its pedestal, and encouraged me to stand against my full-demon brother. _Encouraged_ me! No one had ever done that before. 

_Ever._

Or maybe it was when those damn spiderheads got ahold of me because I hadn't told you about my human night – my _weak_ night. As my now violet eyes met yours from under black bangs, I expected to see anger and disgust because now I was too weak to protect you. 

To be of any use to you.

But what did you do instead? You cried for me. Tears... shed _for_ _me_. Had there ever been something so wondrous? For the first time since my mother had died, someone was _crying_ for me, worrying that I would die. Upset that I was hurt. And for all that you were just a weak human girl, you fought with more spirit and determination to save me than I'd _ever seen_ from anyone faced with those odds – let alone on behalf of a lowly half-breed.

The funny thing is that I know when I _realized_ that you were so important to me. It was when you left me for that week after I'd sworn myself to Kikyou. I fully expected you to stay away, to give up on me. I knew with the vow I'd given her, I had no right to ask you to stay with me. I couldn't do it – it wasn't fair to you. But, oh, _gods_ , how badly did I want to ask you just that. I'd never wanted anything more. And when you came back, and I found you sitting on the well, something inside me broke, knowing I had to let you go. I was crushed. But I had to be honorable... because without my honor I was nothing.

That's why, as dead inside as I was at the thought of losing you forever, I felt like heaven had come down on my broken heart when _you asked to stay with me,_ instead _._ It felt like warmth moving over me, joy exploded inside me so strongly that I almost couldn't believe it. I thought I'd passed out from the pain and was lost in my dreams - the only place I thought I could be with you anymore. 

And then you smiled at me, and took my hand. 

Has there ever been anything the kami created more precious than you? You took my hand... with no fear of my claws, of my youkai blood. There was _no fear_ in your scent, just happiness and determination. I didn't know for sure what the determination was about... then.

I learned, though. You were determined to give me happiness. To heal me. Before you, I wouldn't have ever thought that could happen – there was almost nothing left of my soul by then, just jagged, broken shards with more pieces than the shattered Shikon no Tama. But you did it. Little by little, you pieced me back together. And then once I was put back together, you started filling in all the little holes and gaps with pieces of your own soul.

I don't think you even realized what you were doing for me... but you were bonding my soul back together with pieces of your own. I can't even describe how it feels to have parts of your brilliant, incandescent soul inside me – there could never be a heaven more wonderful or beautiful.

But sometimes... having parts of you in me, well, it was the hardest thing to bear, because I could feel how much my duty and bonds to Kikyou shredded your heart. Yes, I could feel it. And over time, my guilt for the pain I was causing you became worse than the guilt I felt for Kikyou's death and half-life. That's why I always looked so dejected when I'd go see her, or come back from doing so. Not so much because of her, but because of _you_.

The worst guilt, though, was knowing that you ever even _considered_ dying so she could live... for me. Oh, yes, I knew that you thought about it. In those moments, your guilt towards Kikyou's half-life was even greater than mine, and I hated knowing that you felt such a thing. But I couldn't say anything... because I knew you didn't want to talk about those things. And I couldn't do anything for you, couldn't stop the pain I kept pushing on you, except by respecting your wishes to not talk about it. 

Well, there was also those times you'd go home and I wouldn't fight with you about it so much, too – it was the least I could do. Really, I didn't mind that you would go home because of the shards or Naraku or any of that other nonsense I fed you – the only reason I hated it when you would go was because I could barely stand the sense of loss I'd feel with you gone. I could always tell when you were in my time – you added something to the very air around me, a richness that disappeared anytime you left. Yes, the world I lived in shrank and went dim, flat, hollow, and stale without you. Your absence bled all the color out of my life.

That told me that I would never be able to live without you. Somehow, you had become more necessary than air, and I couldn't even care. As long as you were with me, I was willing to be as needy as a child. Me... admitting to needing something other than myself for anything... do you know how astonishing that is? I've never admitted needing anything else in my life...

Just you. I need you. I don't ever want to know what it's like to be without you. I would die, suffocate to death.

It's because of all these things that I became so selfish as to ask you to stay with me in a roundabout way when the Tree of Ages blocked you from the well. I knew if I told you I needed you, if I admitted it, you'd stay forever... and that's what I wanted. Hell, truth is, I've built my whole world around you – if you were gone I'd have nothing left.

When I realized what I'd done in asking you to stay with me, though... that's when I knew that I would never be able to follow Kikyou to hell. You'd sworn to stay by my side – and I finally figured out that you'd also meant that you'd follow me even into hell to keep your vow. I could never allow that to happen. I figured my vow to Kikyou was worth _my_ life – but it could never be worth _yours_. Not ever.

I felt so much guilt then, for Kikyou... but your soul could never exist in hell, wench... that dark and terrible place could never hold something so glorious and strong, not any more than Kanna's damn mirror could. Slowly, though, I realized something. Kikyou really wouldn't be going to hell, either. Because the soul she carried would return to its blessed home within you when she finally let go. As far as I'm concerned, there's no better fate than to be surrounded by your light, so little by little, a great deal of my guilt over her began to dissipate.

Hell, you're a fuckin' miracle, Kagome. You really are. Because you didn't just heal me – you began to heal Kikyou, too. She told me, once, that the place you'd touched her when purging her of Naraku's miasma was the only warm place on her body. And after you did that, so much of her pain was gone. You pushed back some of the darkness that had taken her over because of Naraku's betrayal. Even with all the pain she and I caused you... you still healed her. You tried to save her, and you gave her the strength to go one for a lot longer than she would have been able to on her own. I will never be able to thank you enough for that.

Keh. My mind wanders over all the times we've been together, all the adventures together, and all that I owe you, and if I could, I'd give you the world, even the heavens. I'd kick the kami out and give them to you to enjoy. I honestly wish I could.

I want you to stay with me forever, and then the forever after that – because it will take that long for me to love you enough to even just repay a tiny _fraction_ of what you've done for me.

Yes... I said love. I do... I always have. I always will. Nothing on earth or in heaven could ever change that. And someday soon, I'll tell you that, too. I have one last duty to see to first, though – I have to give Kikyou peace – I have to lay the past to rest before I can look to _our_ future.

Once that's done, I will make the vow to you that I've wanted to for _so long_... _I'll_ promise to stay with _you_ , forever. The one thing you would never ask of me because of my past with Kikyou is the one thing I long to give you. 

Soon, I will.

Until then, just hang on, Kagome. Just stay with me.

 


	3. Part III

Part III

~oOo~

Inuyasha sat near the campfire, staring into the flames pensively, waiting for Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kirara to finally fall asleep so he could sneak off to join Kagome in her stargazing without a lot of interfering comments from the three members of the group that were busybodies.

No, what he needed to talk to Kagome about was the most important – and private - thing he'd ever needed to talk to anyone about, and with the way things had been going lately, he knew it was now or never. 

Since Kikyou's final death three weeks ago, they'd been constantly on the move, fighting their way through Naraku's traps to try to get to him, and he was positive it wouldn't be much longer before the final battle.

This would likely be the last bit of peace they'd have before that... he wasn't about to waste it. He thought back to that conversation in her room the other night – he'd come so close to getting out what he'd needed to say, only to be interrupted before he could by her family. He'd been pretty furious, but what could he do? Nothing but wait for an opportunity like this.

He flicked a glance around the camp once more and was pleased to see that all were finally sleeping. _Feh. 'Bout damn time,_ he thought to himself.

Silently as only he could, he stood and made his way out of the small camp, heading for the darker outline of the miko of his heart laid out on the hill just enjoying the brief moments of peace and quiet as she stared up at the sky, her aura drenching the area in feelings of contentment.

Stopping for a moment, he just watched her, his own aura responding to hers quite happily as it instantly soothed him, just as it always did. _Just as it always has. She's_ _my_ _contentment._

_Now I just have to tell her that._

A slight sigh escaped his parted lips as he finally moved forward to sit beside her reclining form. He wasn't particularly surprised to find her eyes closed, yet a smile of welcome on her lips.

“I wondered how long you were going to stand back there. Is something bothering you, Inuyasha?” 

“How do you always know?” he groused, not really bothered, just playing with her. As always, she knew his mood, too, just as well as she was almost always aware of his presence. It took a lot for him to hide from her.

She chuckled, a spare sound in the suddenly heavy atmosphere. “I can feel you. So...?” she encouraged, eyes still closed.

“I'm sorry,” he said, folding his arms defensively into his sleeves. It was a habit he'd picked up to keep himself from reaching for her as desperately as he always wanted to. 

If things went well, maybe he wouldn't have to stop himself anymore.

Her brow furrowed and she opened her eyes to look over at him. “For what?” 

He turned his head slowly to look at her, and one hand moved almost without volition to settle over her heart. 

Her eyes widened at the intensity in his...

“For all the hurt,” he replied. “If I regret nothing else since you woke me from that tree, this I'd have enough regret for to fill a thousand damn years over... how much damage I've done to you.”

She stared at him for a moment, and then placed a tender hand over the one he still had over her heart, and smiled at him, every part of her loving soul on display in her eyes for him and him alone. “Inuyasha... I would go through a million times worse to stay beside you. As long as I can help you or heal you, then I'd gladly go through it all again. So... please, don't apologize. I've always understood... even if it hurt. I told you before I could never ask you to forget Kikyou,” she said, once again disarming him with how well she could see into his mind.

_Dammit Kagome... how do you always do it?_ He could feel the burn in his eyes at her words. He could live a hundred thousand lifetimes with her, and he would still be awed for every one of those lifetimes that she opened herself so completely to such an unworthy bastard as him.

“Kagome,” he choked, stopping to clear his throat of the emotion she always managed to pull from inside his defenses. It took a moment to get himself back under enough control to speak coherently. “Kagome,” he sighed, drowning in her eyes. “Thank you for the time you've given me to grieve the past, to put it to rest. I never had that chance the first time around...” he trailed off, because of course, she knew that.

Her grip tightened on his hand and she sat up, then turned to face him. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. 

_So beautiful, Kagome..._

“I promised to stay by your side, Inuyasha. I will always give you what you need, and I will always be there for you, regardless of where that promise leads me.”

He knew what she was referring to. It was time to disabuse her of that notion.

“Keh. It won't be leading where you're thinking, wench,” he said gruffly, his fingers tightening around hers where she still clasped their hands against her chest. “The living have no place in hell, and the only way I'll be dying now is if you die – because I'm never going to let you go, Kagome, not even in death.” He lifted his other hand to press his palm against her cheek as he took in her stunned eyes, his own darkening to honeyed amber. “You promised a long time ago to stay by my side... and now I'm free to promise _you_ what I've wanted to for _so_ long in return - I promise to stay with you for as long as you want me to. Where you go, I will go. Always.”

“Inuyasha,” she breathed, stunned and completely defenseless. “You... you'd tie yourself to me like that?”

“I've wanted to be tied to you like that for what feels like forever – since almost the beginning. You have no idea, Kagome. But... until my past was laid to rest, I couldn't say anything to you. It wouldn't have been right.”

She smiled ruefully at him, her gaze affectionate and understanding. “I know. I always knew that you felt you had a debt to her. But I also thought that you loved her, and I couldn't come between you two. I didn't think there was any room for me in your heart.”

His hand fell away from her cheek to twine into her hair, and he marveled, as he always did, at its softness. He'd never seen hair like hers on a human – usually only youkai had hair this soft. He stared at his fingers in her hair, almost in a trance. It was so hard to believe that he was finally touching her freely – without boundaries. After all of the endless nights of dreaming, and the overwhelming days of wanting, he was actually free to touch her, to hold her...

To love her.

“I do love Kikyou – but it's not the same as what I feel for you. Kikyou was a friend, a companion. Someone who was just as chained to loneliness as I was. We basically decided to be lonely together, I guess,” he sighed, smoothing the lock he'd been playing with and pulling the hand he'd had against her chest to his own, then clasping both their hands in his. “But you... you're _everything_. All the things that Kikyou was, and all the things that she could never have been. Hell, one minute I'm waking up to you and that centipede demon, and the next thing I know, you not only took up all the room in my heart, you stole the whole damn thing right out from under me. But I don't want it back – I want you to keep it, because I know you'll take better care of it than anyone else ever would.”

Tears overflowed in Kagome's eyes, tears she made no attempt to hide, and she smiled at him so beautifully that he was literally transfixed. He'd never seen her eyes so blue...

“Inuyasha,” she whispered, unable to speak any louder for the tightness of her throat, “You know that I love you, _don't you_?”

Leaning his head against hers, he held her gaze, his own glowing golden eyes staring straight into her soul. “I do. I always knew, I guess, though my mind tried to deny it – how could someone who's everything like you are, love _me_ ? But after a while, the knowledge was just there. And I couldn't wait for the day that I could finally tell you how I feel.” He flushed. “Kikyou... there, at the end... she knew. But I never actually told her, because I would never allow myself to tell anyone else how I felt for you before I told you. I haven't spoken those words since my mother died, Kagome, not once, and I wasn't going to until I could say them to the one person that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I truly felt them for.”

Tears still running down her cheeks, Kagome almost stopped breathing in that moment, every single cell in her body waiting to hear the words she'd never thought to hear from him – at least not towards her.

His eyes softened with affection at the poignant hope so very visible in her gaze, and finally whispered, “Aishiteru. Aishiteru, Kagome. _I_ _love_ _you._ Would... would you allow me to one day call you wagimoko?” he asked softly. “I want so _badly_ to have that right.”

In that single moment, something inside Kagome, something that had been painful and tight for so very long, released, and her eyes fell closed as a sob broke from her. With gentle ardor, she pressed her lips to his tenderly, the fingers of her free hand coming up to frame his cheek with adoration.

“Only if I can call you otto in return. Oh, I love you so _much_ , Inuyasha, you have no idea of how much,” she managed to get out around the sheer, overwhelming emotion clogging her throat. Never in a million years would she have ever thought to be where she was right now – she'd been painfully resigned to him giving up his life to follow Kikyou into death after Naraku's defeat, unknowingly pulling her right along with him.

This, though... he had just handed the earth and the heavens to her on a silver platter.

“Always, Kagome. Always,” he choked, his emotions overrunning him more completely in that moment than they ever had on his human nights. He knew why, too. After his feelings for her had been locked up inside for so long, even his youkai blood was no proof against them. After all, youkai feel emotions, too – they just have better control over them. 

Not this time. Even his youkai blood, vicious and bloodthirsty as it was, wanted this woman. Loved her. 

Now he was free to finally just _be_ with her.

And as the endless wheel of heaven turned slowly above them, the two in the field held each other, and loved each other, finally binding themselves to each other as the kami had intended from the very beginning.

They were born for each other... and what the kami had joined, would never be torn asunder, not in life or in death.

_Stay with me, Kagome..._

_I will always stay with you, Inuyasha._

_Always._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to hear any complaints that this is OOC, especially on Inuyasha's part. If anyone paid any attention to Inuyasha's behavior in the final season, he's not the same hanyou he was in the beginning. He's grown up. Everyone around him knows how he feels for Kagome, he even admits it in the final episode to Kaede, and he knows they all know. After everything those two went through, while I can't see Inuyasha talking like this in front of others, I have no problem believing he would be just this open with Kagome herself.
> 
> So... if I get any such complaints, I will ignore them.
> 
> Otherwise, I hope everyone enjoys~
> 
> Amber
> 
> Wagimoko-wife
> 
> Otto-husband


End file.
